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Wow I can’t believe the last time I posted I posted was over 4 months ago. That’s 1/3 of a year. Work has been crazy and time has been flying, not to mention taking care of 150 high school students everyday.
However, recently, I have been struggling mightily, especially with all the problems going on at home. I moved back home this past July to live with my parents and let’s just say things haven’t turned out the way that I had hoped. A lot of financial problems and really no one to help with it. It’s been a constant burden on me and it’s been continually frustrating me. Every time I think it can’t get worse, it in fact does get worse. Every time I think I have the problem solved, it doesn’t work out. Every time I think everything’s going to be okay, something else comes up.
The past couple of weeks made me realize something important. I am very very weak. I can’t do this on my own. It’s very humbling to know that you can’t fix something that’s right before your eyes everyday. As much as I would love to have everything solved, I know realistically, that probably won’t happen. I become very frustrated with God. I become very angry towards Him. I have almost every emotion imaginable going through me. And yet, when my world is crashing down, there’s really only one thing I can do: Go back to God. Not rely on myself, but trust that God has my back. It’s much easier said than done and I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve wanted to just give up. I’ve wanted to give up and just be by myself. It felt as if God had abandoned me.
However, no matter how hard I try to give up, something tells me to keep on doing what I’m doing. To keep working really long hours at work, to keep supporting my parents, to keep going even when everything else has fallen. And well that’s the wonder of it all: Even when we ourselves believe we are incapable, God knows what our true potential is. He knows how much we can handle. He knows us better than we know ourselves. For some reason, I can’t give up. God is not letting me give up. I’ve been scarred, frustrated, angered, lied to, and broken-hearted, but God won’t let me quit.
God may not provide us with what we want, but He will give us exactly what we need. He gives me His strength, peace, and comfort in the darkest of times. While the pain is still there, I have to trust that God knows what He’s doing. As Humans, it’s natural to think that we can take care of everything, but in my situation, I can’t. I know I can’t. I have to give it up to God. He needs to be the one who takes my burden away rather than me putting it all on myself. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I’m hoping 2012 will be much better than 2011. There’s a lot of hurt, but that’s why God’s healing is like no other: This song really spoke to me. Maybe it’ll speak to you.
“No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
to keep us from Your love
to keep us from Your love
How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands
Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We’re covered by Your blood
We’re covered by Your blood
How high, How wide
no matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands
In all things, we know that.
We are more than conquerors.
You keep us by your love.
You keep us by your love.
How High and how wide. No matter where I am, healing is in your hands. How deep and how strong. Now by your grace I stand, healing is in your hands. In all things we know that we are more than conquerors. You keep us by your love.
We are truly more than conquerors, not by our own strength or will, but by God’s.
It’s amazing how an old song can really bring the comfort that you need. I don’t even know how old this song is, but this song that I’ve been listening you has really reminded me of what’s important in this life: Knowing God. No matter the trials and sufferings we go through, we can take comfort in knowing the person who cares for us more than we could ever know. And that alone should bring us the joy and peace that we need. That’s not to say it won’t come with struggles and frustrations, but in the end, we’ll get through it. Maybe the reason we go through all that we do is to know God in a deeper way. In the end, what’s better than knowing our God for who He really is!!
“All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own; All I once thought gain I have counted loss, Spent and worthless now compared to this. Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You There is no greater thing. You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness, And I love You Lord. Now my heart's desire is to know You more, To be found in You and know as Yours, To possess by faith what I could not earn All surpassing gift of righteousness Oh to know the power of Your risen life, And to know You in Your sufferings; To become like You in Your death, my Lord, So with You to live and never die."
I need to remember:
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You There is no greater thing. You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness, And I love You Lord.
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I realized I havent posted for a while due to the fact that I’ve been quite busy with work and all the other things going on in my life. To be honest, life has been a little bit stressful with a lot of the things I had to worry about. However, I’ve began to realize a couple of things: I realize that when I am at my lowest, God is there with me. I also began to realize how weak my faith really is. Finally, I realize how without God in my life, I wouldn’t be nearly the person I am now.
Honestly, if it weren’t for God’s love and kindness, I wouldn’t be able to get through everything. There’s so much to learn:
Paraphrased from 1 Peter 4:12-16
“Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. If you’re abused because of Christ, count yourself fortunate. It’s the Spirit of God and his glory in you that brought you to the notice of others.”
Life doesn’t always go smoothly. Whether it’s because of our own sin or the sins of others, we are pretty much guaranteed to eventually fal into some kind of pit. Does that mean God is not good or kind to us? Certainly not!! We have this overwhelming desire to be comfortable all the time, but the Lord knows we won’t grow that way. We need to be tossed around a little and often times brought to our knees. Sometimes that comes about in the form ridicule. We are following God and using our gifts and then, bam, someone trues to shoot us down. We say, God why did you let that happen to me when I’m trying to follow You? Later, we look back and realize that the Lord gave us wisdom and power through suffering that we couldn’t have gotten any other way.
Suffering is the ultimate way we can grow and we have to remember that it’s a blessing to have those trials in our lives. It’ll be hard and there’ll be a lot of moments where we may feel hopeless, but knowing that God is with you always makes all the difference. Without that, I wouldn’t be in the place that I’m at now. Remember, God knows what’s best for you. We just have to trust, no matter how hard that is. Even though all hope may seem loss, we have to keep the perseverance and the hope that God will deliver us from it all. And for all those times that cause me stress, that’s when I need God’s peace the most. The funny thing about it: It’s beyond anything that we can understand, but it’ll guard our hearts and mind.
I also realized I need a lot more patience, and I don’t mean just waiting.
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”
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I always wonder sometimes why I overthink so much. Even though I’ve been so blessed in my life, why is it that I only think about the things that are going awry? Why am I only thinking about the worse cast senario? Why is it that I can’t trust and have that peace? Why do I constantly go back to this shell where I need to trust only in me and not in God? Why does it at times that all this stress comes about?
And then I realize that I’m not trusting and trying to rely on myself and the solutions that the world can offer. I realize that I really need to pray and humble myself before God because the fact of the matter is I can’t do this on my own. I need to remember this.
(paraphrased from Philippians 4:4-7)
“Celebrate God all day, every day. I mea, revel in Him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute. Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”
” With all the struggles I am forced to deal with on a daily basis, it is comforting to know that the Holy Spirit’s power and love has the ability to bring me peace. I have to admit, though, that I don’t always put my trust where I should. Time and time again I must remind myself that He is in control and that He is the only One who can set me free from my worries and anguish.
When did life become so overwhelming? Why have I struggled with finding peace in God?
Life with the Holy Spirit is a blessing I don’t deserve. I need to celebrate that every day I am alive. I don’t want my worries and negativity to shape the person I am now and the person I will become. I want God to mold me into the person He intended me to be when I was created. Even though there will be moments of weakness when worry will engulf my thoughts, I long to live in His strength and His peace. When life appears hopeless, I know I must give everything I am to my Maker.”
I pray that I would be able to find peace with God. My worrying will not change God’s plans for my life. May I accept Jesus’ open arms and move close to HIm so He can hold me. I pray that I would never feel along with God and that I would give my father His due honor.
For all the times that have been tough and for the stresses that life can throw at us, this song reminds me to persevere and hold on:
“I’ve been there a thousand times,
I’ve felt the rain like a thousand knives.
And it hurts,
I know it hurts!
I’ve been there like a fighter plane,
Tryin’ fly my way through a hurricane.
And it’s hard,
I know it’s hard!
Don’t be afraid,
You’ll make it through,
Just call out to me and I’ll come running to you!
Hold on, hold on!
When the current pulls you under,
And your heart beats like thunder.
Just give me your hand,
And hold on, hold on!
Until the storm is over,
And I’ll be fighting for you.
Just give me your hand and,
Hold on!
I’ll give you hope, I’ll give you faith!
And if it’s dark, I’ll light the way,
For you, for you!
By your side, until the end,
Until you’re standing tall again!
I’m here, I’ll always be here.
And if the tide, sweeps you out to sea,
When your strength is gone, and it’s hard to believe!
Hold on, hold on!
When the current pulls you under,
And your heart beats like thunder!
Just give me your hand,
And hold on, hold on!
Until the storm is over.
And I’ll be fighting for you,
Just give me your hand!”
Lord, please help me to not rely on myself but on You. Help me to Hold on!!!!
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For everytime I don’t trust God and for everytime I live in doubt, this song reminds me about how God doesn’t leave us. Ultimately, it just reminded how God doesn’t change. He’s the same now as he was in the past and will be in the future. And let this be the song I sing in both joy and suffering.
“May the grace that sought my heart on that first day
Be the grace that binds my heart to stay
May the truth that opened up my eyes on that first time
Be the thoughts on my mind that never go away
For You are a lamp to my feet
A light to my path
You’re the hand that’s holding me
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God
May the love that caught my heart to set it free
Be the love that others see in me
And may this hope that’s reaches to the depths of human need
Be the song that I sing in joy and suffering
For you are the love that never leaves
The friend that won’t deceive
You’re the one sure thing
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God
How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go
How deep the love (How deep, how wide the love)
How deep the love (That pierced His side, the love)
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go
How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God”
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Have you ever had that moment where you were paralyzed by fear so much to the point where you just weren’t yourself? Have you ever been broken to the point where you felt like you had no one to turn to? Have you ever felt so hopeless and so incapable that you just didn’t know what to do? This probably had to describe my emotions the past couple of days. I have to say the past couple of days have been some of the most stressful and agonizing, but also the most humbling. The more and more I think about everything that’s going on, the more I can’t believe that I’ve gotten through it all. Or rather that God has brought me through it all. During the last couple of days, I realized one thing: That as much as I say I trust in Him and believe that what He has for me is best, I see that in the hardest times, I don’t trust and just begin to trust myself. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the faith to believe that He can come through when we need it the most. Maybe it’s because it seems that He’s not answering. Maybe it’s because it just seems like everything is falling apart. But maybe the reason for all this is to build me up and to learn to trust in Him. Even though I try to shut Him out and rely on myself, He stays with us because isn’t that what love is all about? Even though it seems like He’s not there, I just forget that He’s been in my heart the entire time. The next couple of posts will be on faithfulness and different aspects of it. It’s amazing how in our hardest times is when we learn about this the most. The following is a devotional that I thought really related to me and maybe to some of you as well:
(Paraphrased from Psalm 103:11-14)
“As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear Him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, He has separated us from our sins. As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear Him. He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we’re made of mud.”
“Broken seems to be my middle name lately. I get so tired and weary becase not only am I struggling to make it through each day, but I also am trying to put on a smile and a positive “Christian” attitude when I feel the opposite. I always thought that time of brokenness dwindled as people got older. God didn’t You plan it so we face trials once, learn from them, and then are free from going through them again? Frustrated. That is how I feel as I fight the exact same battle today that I fought a few weeks ago, a month ago, last year, or even years ago. I thought I had overcome it! If I am facing these battles repeatdly, there is obviously something else God wants me to learn. I just wish I knew what it was.
Even if I do not always understand what God is doing around me, I do understand that He always wants me to need Him. God plans it perfectly. I face a battle, I become desperate for God, and He rescuses me. Facing battles little by little is how God gently guides me through them. It is His gentle way of growing me and reminding me that I can do nothing without Him.”
“God thank you for knowing what I need. Thank you for being patient and gentle with me. Even though I sometimes forget why I need to go through battles, I always find myself thankful that You allowed them to take place. I pray that I will realize I need You just as much in the good days as in the bad. I am sorry I doubt You and Your faithfulness to me. Thank you, God, for always taking care of me.”
I know this spoke to me. I hope it speaks to You. I want to end this with a quote that has stuck with me ever since I heard it:
God is faithful even when his children are not. But that’s what makes God, God
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There was a song I was listening to on the subway today, and for some reason when I listening to it, I couldn’t help but just feel moved by what the song had to say. It was essentially reminding me of to not only take joy in our trials and sufferings, but also consider them a blessing. Too often, I become very discouraged and very worn out by everything that does goes on. And while I pray that one day everything will turn back to normal, the fact is these trials are a time of blessing. Why? Because it reveals to us not only who God is but it also develops our relationship with Him. It shows us his mercy and ultimately, it shows how much He provides. Sometimes, it’s the hardest thing to see and I’ve wanted to give up so many times, but persevering has given me more blessings than I could’ve imagined. So the question this song posed reminded me that God has something amazing planned in the midst of all the turmoil and in midst all the storms.
What if my greatest disappointments Take a look at the lyrics at this song. Maybe you can relate with it. I know I certainly did, so much so that I really couldn’t help but shed a tear on the subway. Laura Story- Blessings “We pray for blessings When friends betray us
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise”
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Whenever I read the first chapter of James, I can’t help but be encouraged by the trials in my life. It’s by far one of my favorite chapters in the bible and reading it again just helps to keep on going and the reasons we go through what we go through. Although trials are an inevitable and pressing part of life, I constantly have to remember that God is building me through these trials and I have to have the patience to deal with whatever happens and continue to have the trust that God can provide. When I was going through this verse in a different lens, I saw how much it related to me and how it expressed a lot of the emotions I had about the hardest times in my life. See if it also relates to you:
(Paraphrased from James 1:2-4)
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed not deficient in any way.”
“When I read the first part of this passage where James tells us to look at trials as gifts, I want to say, Yeah, right, who do you think you are telling me to be happy about all of this bad stuff going on in my life? Forget you! You have no idea what I am going through. Do you feel the same way? At times, we might think the trials in our lives are too unbearable and we want to give up, but there is some encouragement in this passage. These trials that you and I have, as much as they stink, will develop our faith in God. Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger?’ It’s true. When we persevere, the Holy Spirit promises to make us mature and complete in Him.”
“God help me through my trials. So many times I want to give you and throw in the towel. I hate going through hard times when I am hurting inside. Help me to overcome the trials going on in my life so I can become mature and complete in you.”
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It’s funny I thought after graduation I would have more time to relax, but in reality, it’s been the opposite. The past couple of weeks or so have been quite hectic, which would probably explain the fact that I haven’t written anything for a while. Anyway, I wanted to just write a quick thing about patience again because I feel like it’s something that I’m letting go yet again. I feel myself getting so impatient with so many things in my life and forgetting all the blessings I’ve been given. When I look at all the negative things and things I don’t have, I forget so easily everything I have. And I guess the aspect of my impatience that really affects me is how even if I do have something, I’m so afraid to lose it that I stress about it. But today was great in that for some reason, there was something different. My impatience and anxiety still showed, but there was something telling me that everything will be okay and that I shouldn’t worry about all that I was worrying about. The following passage really showed not only how I felt, but how we should view the challenges and obstacles that occur in our lives.
(Paraphrased from Romans 5:2-4)
“We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand- out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.”
“Sometimes I don’t understand what God does. He sees us getting tested from left and right, and He just watches and says, Hey, remember, it’s a gift to be challenged! This is when we need God more than ever. How are we going to see God working in our lives if we don’t let Him in ? Life is disappointing sometimes. Things might not be going our way, but during this time we must rely on the Lord. We don’t just ask Him to help us through our rough times. Patience develops as we shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with our troubles.”
“You don’t have to understand what God is doing or why He is doing it to praise Him. He sees the whole picture of our lives. Thank God for the challenges in life you are going through today. Remember who He is, even though it may seem that your entire life is falling apart. Praise Him, not for escaping trouble, but for the way He works through the darkest days we face. Praising God during good times is easy. We learn patience and faith when we thank Him for the dark days as well.”
I can relate to this so much. At times, I become so discouraged by everything that happens in life that I forget to do the most basic thing. I forget to go to God and continue to praise Him. My impatience develops again and I go through days thinking I can do this on my own. Sometimes, when there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, we have to remember that He does provide for us, even if it’s by the slimmest of the margins. I forget that so easily and realize that God is just building me up for bigger things.
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